12 Month Update

Weight: 17 pounds 2 ounces (0 percentile)
Length: 27 inches (0 percentile)
Head circumference: I don't remember the exact number.... but he was 64th percentile :)

Eating: Cooper is still bottle feeding with formula for most of his nutrition, but doing great with table foods and loves Cheerios/puffs, yogurt, chicken, blueberries, and cheese.

Doing: Pulling himself to stand, cruising furniture, easily going up stairs, crawling everywhere (and so fast)!

Saying: mama, dada, baba

First word: mama :)

Thanks to my amazing friend Tara for taking these pictures for Cooper's birthday! http://taraadamsphoto.blogspot.com/

Giving back: Ronald McDonald Family Room

There's a special place at Primary Children's Hospital called the Ronald McDonald Family Room, where parents and family of patients can go and enjoy a kitchen/meals, laundry facilities and a peaceful place away from the alarms and monitors. Taylor and I spent a lot of time there during Cooper's 14 week stay. On July 17th our family had the privilege of preparing and serving dinner in the family room to over 100 parents of critically sick children in honor of Cooper. It was a sweet evening serving in a place where we had received so much service. It brought back a flood of memories and emotions, but we all left with so much gratitude for all Primary Children's did for Cooper.

 Friends and family brought items to donate to the NICU to Cooper's birthday party, and we were able to deliver them :)

The best part of the night was walking out of the hospital with Cooper, and not without him like we did for 95 nights. 

A Year of Miracles

Cooper turned 1 on July 7th! It's hard to believe that one year has passed, and Cooper is now one year old (9 months adjusted). I don't really have words to describe what this last year has been, but if I could sum it up with one word it would be gratitude.

Cooper had a few doctors appointments in July and we have received a lot of incredible news about his development. He had an appointment at the Neonatal Follow-up Clinic at the University of Utah, where babies who were in the NICU at Primary Children's are seen until they turn 4. We met with the neurologist who followed Cooper at Primary's, an occupational therapist, and a neonatalogist.

When Cooper was one week old we learned that he had experienced severe bleeding and damage in his brain. Full-term babies blood vessels in the brain are fully developed, but preterm (and especially extremely babies like Cooper) are high risk for bleeds because the vessels aren't fully developed. For the first week of Cooper's life the doctors and nurses tried to move Cooper's tiny body and head as little as possible, as to lessen the possibility of bleeding in the brain. However, between a life flight and surgery in the first four days of life, Cooper did experience damage and bleeding. Taylor and I felt like it wasn't in Cooper's best interest to be very open about that information because there was no way to know what his future would look like, and we wanted to remain optimistic. But truthfully, Cooper experienced the most severe (grade 3 and grade 4) bleeds in his brain, and doctors told us that we may need to prepare ourselves for cerebral palsy and developmental delays.

Cooper has had an occupational therapist work with him once or twice a month since the beginning of the year, and she taught us exercises and things to do to facilitate his development. At first we were a little concerned that Cooper was favoring one side of his body over the other (a sign of cerebral palsy) but we worked hard with Coop to help him use both hands and legs equally, and he is doing so well now! Cooper is right where he should be developmentally for his adjusted age (the age he would be if he had been born full-term) and he's impressed everyone.

Anyway, at the appointment with Cooper's neurologist and the neonatologist, they were both extremely impressed with Cooper's development and told me the possibility of Cooper having CP was basically zero. It was apparent by the way they discussed his progress with me that Cooper is definitely not the norm for babies with grade 3 and 4 bleeds, and I got a little teary because I felt so much gratitude. Of course we would have embraced whatever quality of life Cooper might have had, but we're grateful that Cooper is developing normally and growing a strong, healthy, perfect body.

Cooper turns 1!

We had an amazing party celebrating Cooper's first birthday with lots of family, friends, and cake!  We're so thankful for everyone who helped celebrate our miracle boy and the journey he's had over the last year.

The NICU Rollercoaster

There is a club that I never really knew existed until I became part of it. The 26 weeker mom's club... I became a member of this club very suddenly, and it took me a long time to accept the reality of my membership. One day everything was fine. I was at work, going about my routine, and then in a split second my life was turned upside down. As soon as I started bleeding I knew something was very wrong. After being monitored for a few hours, everything looked fine. Phew! False alarm. And then I saw the face of the nurse who had just come back with the test results to make sure my water hadn't broken. "I'm so sorry, but it came back positive. Your water broke." Instantly, my stomach dropped and I began sobbing. When? When did my water break? I had so little fluid that it had likely ruptured some time ago. How? How could I not know that my own water had broken? How could my doctor not have known? Why wasn't I more persistent when expressing concerns to him? Maybe then I could have gone on bed rest and kept my baby inside me a little longer.

All of a sudden, the contractions begin. As did preparations for an ambulance to take me from my hospital to one with a level three NICU that is prepared to take tiny babies born at 26 weeks. Then I'm lying in an ambulance, trying to make small talk with medics who are doing their best to keep me calm. All the while I'm thinking "This is some kind of a joke. My water can't be broken. I'm not going on bed rest, I'm only 26 weeks along! I had a plan! It's too early!" And although I'd already made a spreadsheet of everything to pack in my hospital bag, that bag was not packed and I had nothing with me except the clothes I had been wearing when I arrived at the hospital.

I arrive at IMC and am giving numerous shots and medications to stop labor and help my baby's brain should I deliver in the next 48 hours. The contractions are becoming more intense, and they check me again and see that in the last few hours I have dilated to a 7 and they can see hair. A neonatalogist comes in to tell Taylor and me that our baby is coming tonight, and the odds aren't good. If he survives, he will have to overcome many obstacles and is high-risk for long-term issues.

Finally around 4:15 AM I knew he was coming. The doctor checked me again, and I was at a 10. As they wheeled me back to a stark white operating room, Taylor and I looked at each other incredulously. This was not what we had planned. After 15 minutes of pushing, I was no longer pregnant. I didn't get more than a split-second glimpse of my tiny baby before he was being passed from the delivery team to the waiting NICU team. There was no feeling of immense relief or joy. There was no placing him on my chest and soaking up his first moments in the world while meeting my first child for the first time. There were no photos of Taylor sitting on my hospital bed while I held our baby, the first time as a family of three. Instead, there was me, Taylor, and the doctors assisting in my delivery looking at me with pity in their eyes as I finished delivering. Meanwhile, our tiny son was being resuscitated because he wasn't breathing for the first 30 seconds of his life.

It was several hours before the neonatologist had Cooper stabilized and I was allowed to see him. They let me reach into his isolette and touch his finger, and I sobbed. The entire night had been a horrible, fast-paced blur but the reality of the situation finally hit me as I saw my tiny baby, covered in a sheet of clear plastic to protect his very fragile skin. He was perfect.

The first two days of his life I felt like I was in a daze. After word got around that I had delivered, people were so sweet and kind, but many didn't know what to say. I had quite a few visitors in the hospital, but it was not the way I had envisioned the first few days of my baby's life. There was no baby sitting next to me to introduce to everyone. Instead, he was downstairs, secure in the NICU. People asked me how I was doing and what had happened, and I tried to be strong, while also experiencing the hardest moments of my entire life.

I will never forget the kind nurses who took care of me while I was recovering in the hospital. They were each so sensitive and compassionate. One time while a nurse was assisting me, another nurse poked her head in my room and told the nurse that the baby next door was ready to go back to the nursery. The nurse then looked at me quickly with sympathy in her eyes. When she left the room I cried and cried as I wished that my baby was safely next to me instead of downstairs in the NICU hooked up to a ventilator that was breathing for him. Each of the nurses that took care of me were amazing, and made those difficult days easier.

Taylor and I were told that the NICU would be a rollercoaster, with lots of highs and lows throughout Cooper's stay. That was the best way to describe the joy you would feel when your baby took a step forward, and then the extreme sorrow you felt when he went three steps back. When Cooper was born 14 weeks early, my world was suddenly upside down. I remember scrolling through Instagram in my recovery room a few hours after Cooper was born, and feeling so sick to my stomach as I looked at pictures of what people were eating for lunch, beautiful maternity photos accompanied by captions complaining about the discomfort of full-term pregnancy, and people enjoying a fancy vacation while I sat in a hospital room, unsure if my two pound baby was going to survive. I had to largely ignore social media while Cooper was in the NICU because I couldn't stomach complaints on Facebook about delayed flights and babies blowing out of their diapers while my baby was fighting to survive. I will forever be grateful for the lesson and perspective Cooper's birth has given me, because it truly has changed me and helped me to focus on what matters and not get caught up in things that don't.

Anyway, I remember as I was scrolling through Instagram that day and just wanting to tell everyone "Don't you know my life is in shambles? How can you keep posting about frivolous things?" It wasn't a logical emotion, because most people had no idea I had gone into extremely pre-term labor for no reason and that I was no longer pregnant. And even after we announced that Cooper was born, of course people kept living their lives (as they should). Friends from high school that I hadn't seen in a few years weren't going to not share fun vacation pictures simply because my life felt so out of control.  As Cooper grew, became stronger, and it became evident that he was going to come home someday, I was able to make peace with social media (although it took months) and accept that everyone is doing the best they can and we all face trials that are unseen by many.

For most parents who have a baby that spends time in the NICU, it is typically just a few days or weeks, depending on how premature the baby was or what conditions were present at the time of delivery. When Cooper was born at 26 weeks on July 7th, everyone told us to plan on him coming home around his due date. 3 months (14 weeks) later on October 12th. I couldn't fathom how we would ever survive the ominous journey before us... but we did it. One day at a time.

The NICU became our new home. Life as we knew it completely stopped. I stopped working, and would spend about 12 hours each day at the NICU with Cooper. Taylor still had classes a few days a week, but he would come to the NICU on the days he didn't work/have class and would come every evening on the days he was in Provo. Each day in the NICU felt like a lifetime, but slowly, Cooper began to grow. He faced many setbacks and challenges, but he given the best care at Primary Children's Hospital.

I experienced a lot of tender emotions during the 96 days Cooper was in the NICU, but now that a year has passed and Cooper is now a healthy 17 pound baby, the traumatic memories are fading and above all I feel gratitude for Cooper's life and the refining experience the first three months were.

One of my favorite scriptures is Alma 26:12, and it echoes my feelings about Cooper's birth.  Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

Virginia is for lawyers

You may have heard our big news, but if not, we're moving to Charlottesville, Virginia! Our original plan was for Taylor to attend law school this fall at BYU. The day before we planned to move to Provo, Taylor received a call from the dean of admissions at the University of Virginia (which is the #8 law school in the country) and Taylor was accepted to UVA from their wait list. Since it was an acceptance off the wait list, we only had one week to decide if Taylor should accept. UVA was Taylor's top choice of law schools because of prestige and location, and after a lot of prayer, research, and discussion we felt strongly that Virginia is where we need to be! We sold our Provo apartment contract, paid the seat deposit for UVA, paid a deposit for an apartment in Charlottesville, and we will move mid-August after Taylor's graduation from BYU.

I'm so proud of Taylor and how hard he has worked to prepare for law school. He spent hundreds of hours studying for the LSAT and his hard work truly paid off! While we're so excited for the opportunities that will be available to Taylor because of UVA and the adventure it will be to live in Charlottesville, it will be hard to leave Utah and our amazing family and friends. We can't wait for visitors in VA and we hope to visit Utah often!

11 Months!

Since Cooper turns 1 next week, I figured I should do a quick 11 month update. ;)

Cooper turned 11 months old on June 7th (8 months adjusted) and he's in such a fun stage! At the beginning of the month he weighed about 16.5 pounds, and he's finally on the chart for weight!! 37 percentile. I was absolutely shocked when the nurse told us, because Cooper has barely been on the chart for his adjusted age, let alone for his actual age! So proud of him!

Cooper is very mobile, and does a combination of crawling/scooting to get around. He is starting to pull himself up onto things, and basically nothing is safe from his curiosity. :) His first two bottom teeth have popped through, and Cooper is a good little eater! He loves Cheerios, mangoes, green beans and eggs. Giving him a bottle is still difficult, and he will only take a bottle from Taylor or me. We have to be holding him and walking around while he eats, or he'll refuse the bottle. We're not sure why bottles are so difficult, but hopefully soon he'll learn to drink the bottle on his own or take a sippy cup.

Cooper is a great sleeper, and takes two long naps every day, and then sleeps at least an 8 hour stretch every night! He will only sleep on his stomach.

We love Cooper so much and continue to feel so grateful for the tremendous progress he is making developmentally and health-wise!