12 Month Update

Weight: 17 pounds 2 ounces (0 percentile)
Length: 27 inches (0 percentile)
Head circumference: I don't remember the exact number.... but he was 64th percentile :)

Eating: Cooper is still bottle feeding with formula for most of his nutrition, but doing great with table foods and loves Cheerios/puffs, yogurt, chicken, blueberries, and cheese.

Doing: Pulling himself to stand, cruising furniture, easily going up stairs, crawling everywhere (and so fast)!

Saying: mama, dada, baba

First word: mama :)

Thanks to my amazing friend Tara for taking these pictures for Cooper's birthday! http://taraadamsphoto.blogspot.com/

Giving back: Ronald McDonald Family Room

There's a special place at Primary Children's Hospital called the Ronald McDonald Family Room, where parents and family of patients can go and enjoy a kitchen/meals, laundry facilities and a peaceful place away from the alarms and monitors. Taylor and I spent a lot of time there during Cooper's 14 week stay. On July 17th our family had the privilege of preparing and serving dinner in the family room to over 100 parents of critically sick children in honor of Cooper. It was a sweet evening serving in a place where we had received so much service. It brought back a flood of memories and emotions, but we all left with so much gratitude for all Primary Children's did for Cooper.

 Friends and family brought items to donate to the NICU to Cooper's birthday party, and we were able to deliver them :)

The best part of the night was walking out of the hospital with Cooper, and not without him like we did for 95 nights. 

A Year of Miracles

Cooper turned 1 on July 7th! It's hard to believe that one year has passed, and Cooper is now one year old (9 months adjusted). I don't really have words to describe what this last year has been, but if I could sum it up with one word it would be gratitude.

Cooper had a few doctors appointments in July and we have received a lot of incredible news about his development. He had an appointment at the Neonatal Follow-up Clinic at the University of Utah, where babies who were in the NICU at Primary Children's are seen until they turn 4. We met with the neurologist who followed Cooper at Primary's, an occupational therapist, and a neonatalogist.

When Cooper was one week old we learned that he had experienced severe bleeding and damage in his brain. Full-term babies blood vessels in the brain are fully developed, but preterm (and especially extremely babies like Cooper) are high risk for bleeds because the vessels aren't fully developed. For the first week of Cooper's life the doctors and nurses tried to move Cooper's tiny body and head as little as possible, as to lessen the possibility of bleeding in the brain. However, between a life flight and surgery in the first four days of life, Cooper did experience damage and bleeding. Taylor and I felt like it wasn't in Cooper's best interest to be very open about that information because there was no way to know what his future would look like, and we wanted to remain optimistic. But truthfully, Cooper experienced the most severe (grade 3 and grade 4) bleeds in his brain, and doctors told us that we may need to prepare ourselves for cerebral palsy and developmental delays.

Cooper has had an occupational therapist work with him once or twice a month since the beginning of the year, and she taught us exercises and things to do to facilitate his development. At first we were a little concerned that Cooper was favoring one side of his body over the other (a sign of cerebral palsy) but we worked hard with Coop to help him use both hands and legs equally, and he is doing so well now! Cooper is right where he should be developmentally for his adjusted age (the age he would be if he had been born full-term) and he's impressed everyone.

Anyway, at the appointment with Cooper's neurologist and the neonatologist, they were both extremely impressed with Cooper's development and told me the possibility of Cooper having CP was basically zero. It was apparent by the way they discussed his progress with me that Cooper is definitely not the norm for babies with grade 3 and 4 bleeds, and I got a little teary because I felt so much gratitude. Of course we would have embraced whatever quality of life Cooper might have had, but we're grateful that Cooper is developing normally and growing a strong, healthy, perfect body.

Cooper turns 1!

We had an amazing party celebrating Cooper's first birthday with lots of family, friends, and cake!  We're so thankful for everyone who helped celebrate our miracle boy and the journey he's had over the last year.

The NICU Rollercoaster

There is a club that I never really knew existed until I became part of it. The 26 weeker mom's club... I became a member of this club very suddenly, and it took me a long time to accept the reality of my membership. One day everything was fine. I was at work, going about my routine, and then in a split second my life was turned upside down. As soon as I started bleeding I knew something was very wrong. After being monitored for a few hours, everything looked fine. Phew! False alarm. And then I saw the face of the nurse who had just come back with the test results to make sure my water hadn't broken. "I'm so sorry, but it came back positive. Your water broke." Instantly, my stomach dropped and I began sobbing. When? When did my water break? I had so little fluid that it had likely ruptured some time ago. How? How could I not know that my own water had broken? How could my doctor not have known? Why wasn't I more persistent when expressing concerns to him? Maybe then I could have gone on bed rest and kept my baby inside me a little longer.

All of a sudden, the contractions begin. As did preparations for an ambulance to take me from my hospital to one with a level three NICU that is prepared to take tiny babies born at 26 weeks. Then I'm lying in an ambulance, trying to make small talk with medics who are doing their best to keep me calm. All the while I'm thinking "This is some kind of a joke. My water can't be broken. I'm not going on bed rest, I'm only 26 weeks along! I had a plan! It's too early!" And although I'd already made a spreadsheet of everything to pack in my hospital bag, that bag was not packed and I had nothing with me except the clothes I had been wearing when I arrived at the hospital.

I arrive at IMC and am giving numerous shots and medications to stop labor and help my baby's brain should I deliver in the next 48 hours. The contractions are becoming more intense, and they check me again and see that in the last few hours I have dilated to a 7 and they can see hair. A neonatalogist comes in to tell Taylor and me that our baby is coming tonight, and the odds aren't good. If he survives, he will have to overcome many obstacles and is high-risk for long-term issues.

Finally around 4:15 AM I knew he was coming. The doctor checked me again, and I was at a 10. As they wheeled me back to a stark white operating room, Taylor and I looked at each other incredulously. This was not what we had planned. After 15 minutes of pushing, I was no longer pregnant. I didn't get more than a split-second glimpse of my tiny baby before he was being passed from the delivery team to the waiting NICU team. There was no feeling of immense relief or joy. There was no placing him on my chest and soaking up his first moments in the world while meeting my first child for the first time. There were no photos of Taylor sitting on my hospital bed while I held our baby, the first time as a family of three. Instead, there was me, Taylor, and the doctors assisting in my delivery looking at me with pity in their eyes as I finished delivering. Meanwhile, our tiny son was being resuscitated because he wasn't breathing for the first 30 seconds of his life.

It was several hours before the neonatologist had Cooper stabilized and I was allowed to see him. They let me reach into his isolette and touch his finger, and I sobbed. The entire night had been a horrible, fast-paced blur but the reality of the situation finally hit me as I saw my tiny baby, covered in a sheet of clear plastic to protect his very fragile skin. He was perfect.

The first two days of his life I felt like I was in a daze. After word got around that I had delivered, people were so sweet and kind, but many didn't know what to say. I had quite a few visitors in the hospital, but it was not the way I had envisioned the first few days of my baby's life. There was no baby sitting next to me to introduce to everyone. Instead, he was downstairs, secure in the NICU. People asked me how I was doing and what had happened, and I tried to be strong, while also experiencing the hardest moments of my entire life.

I will never forget the kind nurses who took care of me while I was recovering in the hospital. They were each so sensitive and compassionate. One time while a nurse was assisting me, another nurse poked her head in my room and told the nurse that the baby next door was ready to go back to the nursery. The nurse then looked at me quickly with sympathy in her eyes. When she left the room I cried and cried as I wished that my baby was safely next to me instead of downstairs in the NICU hooked up to a ventilator that was breathing for him. Each of the nurses that took care of me were amazing, and made those difficult days easier.

Taylor and I were told that the NICU would be a rollercoaster, with lots of highs and lows throughout Cooper's stay. That was the best way to describe the joy you would feel when your baby took a step forward, and then the extreme sorrow you felt when he went three steps back. When Cooper was born 14 weeks early, my world was suddenly upside down. I remember scrolling through Instagram in my recovery room a few hours after Cooper was born, and feeling so sick to my stomach as I looked at pictures of what people were eating for lunch, beautiful maternity photos accompanied by captions complaining about the discomfort of full-term pregnancy, and people enjoying a fancy vacation while I sat in a hospital room, unsure if my two pound baby was going to survive. I had to largely ignore social media while Cooper was in the NICU because I couldn't stomach complaints on Facebook about delayed flights and babies blowing out of their diapers while my baby was fighting to survive. I will forever be grateful for the lesson and perspective Cooper's birth has given me, because it truly has changed me and helped me to focus on what matters and not get caught up in things that don't.

Anyway, I remember as I was scrolling through Instagram that day and just wanting to tell everyone "Don't you know my life is in shambles? How can you keep posting about frivolous things?" It wasn't a logical emotion, because most people had no idea I had gone into extremely pre-term labor for no reason and that I was no longer pregnant. And even after we announced that Cooper was born, of course people kept living their lives (as they should). Friends from high school that I hadn't seen in a few years weren't going to not share fun vacation pictures simply because my life felt so out of control.  As Cooper grew, became stronger, and it became evident that he was going to come home someday, I was able to make peace with social media (although it took months) and accept that everyone is doing the best they can and we all face trials that are unseen by many.

For most parents who have a baby that spends time in the NICU, it is typically just a few days or weeks, depending on how premature the baby was or what conditions were present at the time of delivery. When Cooper was born at 26 weeks on July 7th, everyone told us to plan on him coming home around his due date. 3 months (14 weeks) later on October 12th. I couldn't fathom how we would ever survive the ominous journey before us... but we did it. One day at a time.

The NICU became our new home. Life as we knew it completely stopped. I stopped working, and would spend about 12 hours each day at the NICU with Cooper. Taylor still had classes a few days a week, but he would come to the NICU on the days he didn't work/have class and would come every evening on the days he was in Provo. Each day in the NICU felt like a lifetime, but slowly, Cooper began to grow. He faced many setbacks and challenges, but he given the best care at Primary Children's Hospital.

I experienced a lot of tender emotions during the 96 days Cooper was in the NICU, but now that a year has passed and Cooper is now a healthy 17 pound baby, the traumatic memories are fading and above all I feel gratitude for Cooper's life and the refining experience the first three months were.

One of my favorite scriptures is Alma 26:12, and it echoes my feelings about Cooper's birth.  Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

Virginia is for lawyers

You may have heard our big news, but if not, we're moving to Charlottesville, Virginia! Our original plan was for Taylor to attend law school this fall at BYU. The day before we planned to move to Provo, Taylor received a call from the dean of admissions at the University of Virginia (which is the #8 law school in the country) and Taylor was accepted to UVA from their wait list. Since it was an acceptance off the wait list, we only had one week to decide if Taylor should accept. UVA was Taylor's top choice of law schools because of prestige and location, and after a lot of prayer, research, and discussion we felt strongly that Virginia is where we need to be! We sold our Provo apartment contract, paid the seat deposit for UVA, paid a deposit for an apartment in Charlottesville, and we will move mid-August after Taylor's graduation from BYU.

I'm so proud of Taylor and how hard he has worked to prepare for law school. He spent hundreds of hours studying for the LSAT and his hard work truly paid off! While we're so excited for the opportunities that will be available to Taylor because of UVA and the adventure it will be to live in Charlottesville, it will be hard to leave Utah and our amazing family and friends. We can't wait for visitors in VA and we hope to visit Utah often!

11 Months!

Since Cooper turns 1 next week, I figured I should do a quick 11 month update. ;)

Cooper turned 11 months old on June 7th (8 months adjusted) and he's in such a fun stage! At the beginning of the month he weighed about 16.5 pounds, and he's finally on the chart for weight!! 37 percentile. I was absolutely shocked when the nurse told us, because Cooper has barely been on the chart for his adjusted age, let alone for his actual age! So proud of him!

Cooper is very mobile, and does a combination of crawling/scooting to get around. He is starting to pull himself up onto things, and basically nothing is safe from his curiosity. :) His first two bottom teeth have popped through, and Cooper is a good little eater! He loves Cheerios, mangoes, green beans and eggs. Giving him a bottle is still difficult, and he will only take a bottle from Taylor or me. We have to be holding him and walking around while he eats, or he'll refuse the bottle. We're not sure why bottles are so difficult, but hopefully soon he'll learn to drink the bottle on his own or take a sippy cup.

Cooper is a great sleeper, and takes two long naps every day, and then sleeps at least an 8 hour stretch every night! He will only sleep on his stomach.

We love Cooper so much and continue to feel so grateful for the tremendous progress he is making developmentally and health-wise!

9 month update

I had a draft sitting on my computer of Cooper's 9 month updates, but now that he is 10 months I will do a combined post. :)  Cooper is 10 months old! (7 adjusted) I can hardly believe that he will be 1 in less than two months. I'm not really accepting that he's one until his "adjusted" birthday in October. :) Cooper has grown and developed so much in the last two months.

Cooper's first Easter!

In April Cooper had a few specialist follow up appointments. First, he had his nine month checkup on his nine month birthday. At that appointment he was 14 pounds 14 ounces and 25.5 inches. Cooper was finally beginning to gain weight again after a few very difficult months of not wanting to eat, horrible reflux and losing weight.

The second appointment last month was an eye exam with Cooper's ophthalmologist at Primary's. The doctor did see evidence of optic nerve damage caused by the bleeding in Cooper's brain, but right now his eyesight is fine and they will continue to follow him closely. His eyes are a bit farsighted and the ophthalmologist said that Cooper may need glasses at his next appointment in six months. The evidence of optic nerve damage and the farsightedness are a bit concerning, but the doctor reassured me that Cooper is fine and there are plenty of solutions that can be implemented, if necessary.  

Cooper's final appointment last month was with the nephrologist at Primary's. The week before Cooper came home from the NICU his blood pressure was extremely high, and a kidney ultrasound showed fluid and inflammation. Cooper has been on blood pressure medication since October, and required bi-weekly blood pressure checks with his pediatrician. At this appointment they performed an ultrasound on his kidneys, and they are completely healed! All of the fluid is gone and his kidneys are perfect. He has been able to maintain a normal blood pressure since going off of his medicine, and if everything continues to look good at his follow up in a few months, he will "graduate" from the nephrology clinic! Taylor and I feel extremely blessed and know that this is another miracle for Cooper.

In the last two weeks Cooper has really become mobile and is army crawling everywhere! We're proud of him and continuing to realize how un-babyproof everything is :) He is sitting up on his own, eating lots of solid foods, and finally filling out and gaining weight well. We love our boy!!

We're going to law school!

For those who may not have heard, Taylor will begin his Juris Doctorate this fall at the J Reuben Clark Law School at BYU! I don't want to brag about Taylor, but just share a bit about the journey it's been to get to this point and the tremendous amount of hard work Taylor has put in (on top of the hardest three months ever while Cooper was in the NICU).

The law school application process began in January 2015 when Taylor took a LSAT prep course from January to June. On top of his normal course load, he had an additional prep course two nights a week, and took a 3 hour practice LSAT course every Saturday morning for six months. He spent hundreds of hours studying and took the LSAT in June and got a great score! Two weeks later, Cooper surprised us and was born 14 weeks early.

Taylor was happy with his first LSAT score but felt like he could do even better. After a long three months of driving from South Jordan to Provo for school, then driving from Provo to the NICU in Salt Lake, then back home to South Jordan every day for three months (and still staying on top of homework and working part-time to bring in a little income) Taylor took the LSAT for the second time one week before Cooper came home. Taylor's determination, prior hours of studying and some heavenly help brought a truly incredible LSAT score for Taylor. Taylor submitted his applications to about 14 law schools on Halloween, and then we waited to hear back!

Taylor was accepted into excellent schools like George Washington in DC, UT Austin, the University of Utah, and BYU. He has also been wait-listed at some top law schools including Chicago, Michigan, Virginia, Cornell and Vanderbilt.

After thoughtful consideration and earnest prayer we have felt that Taylor should attend law school at BYU! If Taylor happens to be accepted to a school where he is currently on the waitlist, our plans may change because of the incredible opportunities that would come from attending any of those prestigious schools. Right now, we are excited about attending BYU (which is a wonderful school with unique opportunities) and the next three years ahead of us in law school. We're so grateful for the support and love from family and friends throughout the challenging year we've had with applying to law school and a micro preemie baby! It has been a year of refinement and growth that have strengthened and blessed us in every aspect of our lives. Onward and upward!

Go Cougars :):)

8 months old!

Cooper turned 8 months old on March 7th!

Size: He finally had a little growth spurt and is now about 16 pounds! We just moved him into size 3 diapers, and he's wearing mostly 3-6 month clothes but some 6-12 month sizes, too.

His hair is getting longer and it's so cute! It's a dirty blonde color right now, but I think it will lighten as it gets thicker.

Eating: Poor little Cooper is having a rough time eating these days. His reflux seemed to be getting better and he was having waaaay less projectile puking episodes, but after talking with an occupational therapist we've determined that Cooper hasn't outgrown the reflux, and instead it's all sitting in his throat and his esophagus is inflamed. It's super sad, and makes Cooper not want to take a bottle very easily. Taylor and I have mastered tricks to get Cooper to eat, but it's often an exhausting process. We're hoping he grows out of his reflux quickly!

Milestones: Cooper is doing really well! He is getting better at sitting up (with his hands resting on the floor) and hopefully anytime now he will be sitting up on his own. Cooper is very vocal, and loves to squeal and talk to us all day. Last week an occupational therapist with the early intervention program in our school district came to our home and worked with Cooper for an hour, and it went well. Cooper is meeting all of his milestones for his adjusted age (5 months) but not quite there for an 8 month old. The therapist didn't have any huge concerns, but felt like it would be beneficial for Cooper to work with an occupational therapist every few weeks to make sure his development stays on track. Next week the therapist that will work with Cooper indefinitely is coming to meet/assess him, and then she will continue to help us for the foreseeable future.